Chandra's Journal
April 25, 2006
We are so thankful to all the people that prayed for Canon last week when he was trying to fight off strep. That bug never had a chance against such prayer protection! Canon was VERY sick on Tuesday, but that was really it. Drew stayed home with him Tuesday and Wednesday (because I had to administer the dreaded TAKS test at school) and they did some significant bonding. Nothing like your son vomiting all over you a few times to really solidify your relationship! Actually, for the first time last week Canon would call out “Daddy!” when he was upset with me for one reason or another! It was really a weird feeling to get home from work and hear all about what he had for lunch and what medicine he still needs and all that from Drew. It made me remember how blessed I am to have Drew and be able to count on him in situations like that. Anyway, Canon still has a little bit of a scratchy throat, but feels fine otherwise. The timing of the strep episode is frustrating because we had just been told the day before to start recording everything he eats because of his lack of weight gain. And then he spent the next two days barely able to keep anything down. We haven’t weighed him, but I’m sure he lost weight last week.
Paul and Melanie had an AIM retreat this past weekend at Ceta Canyon, a campground about 30 miles from us. So Rylan spent Friday night and Saturday night with us. Our first cousin sleepover! It was really fun! The highlights: Canon thought that Rylan’s jibberish was hilarious! He could not control his laughter when Rylan would start talking. Who knows? Maybe it wasn’t jibberish. Maybe he was telling Canon jokes in secret baby language. Bath time was a riot, too. Canon and Rylan would start splashing light-heartedly, smiling at each other, but then you could see the testosterone begin to surface; brows would furrow and it became a serious contest of masculinity. You should have seen our bathroom! I saw a ‘tub splashguard’ recently in a toddler catalog that I get and I thought, ‘How silly.’ Now I’m trying to remember where I put it. Also fun was our Saturday evening walk. It was just me, the three boys, and a double stroller. You see the dilemma. I put Rylan and Creed in the stroller and let Canon walk with me. Of course, he really wanted to push the stroller, so I let him try. Needless to say, our walk was pretty short! About five houses down and back, to be exact! Maybe next year.
The house-selling has become a source of greater and greater anxiety. I really am excited about getting into the new house, but as more time goes by without another contract on ours, I can’t help but wonder what will happen if we can’t sell it. I can’t figure it out; it really is a great house in a wonderful neighborhood! Sigh. God will provide I know. I distract myself by mentally decorating Canon and Creed’s new rooms. We’re going to decorate Canon’s in airplanes since he’s become such a seasoned jet-setter and so enamored with them in all shapes and sizes. Creed’s room will stay decorated in cowboy stuff, but I have a few new ideas to make it extra special. When they’re done, I’ll take a picture and we can post them on the website! (Unless they turn out terrible, then I’ll be too embarrassed!)
This will be a special weekend for my family – my baby brothers will turn 18 on Saturday! It’s so strange. They’ll be graduating and going to college this year. Bradley is going to Lubbock Christian University and Danley’s headed to Texas A&M. It’s hard to explain how unique they are if you don’t know them. They are… mature and confident beyond their years, yet childish in all the good ways. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I’m so very proud of both of them.
That means it’s also time to start thinking about going to my 10th high school reunion this summer. I haven’t decided if I want to or not. There are a handful of people I would love to see again and catch up with. But on the other hand, I am such a completely different person than I was then that it almost turns my stomach to be confronted by who I used to be. I know that’s sad and I wish it wasn’t the case, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. Life changes you, or it did me anyway. It wasn’t that I was a terrible person; I just think that I didn’t really KNOW who I was. There were only a few people that I felt safe enough with to be real. To the rest, I tried to be who I thought they wanted me to be. Truthfully, there are people with whom I’ve only communicated with through Canon’s website, but that I feel more of a connection with than I did with people I was with daily in high school and college. My friends now that have been down this long road with us are more like family. I guess I never knew before how powerful it was for a friend to WANT to carry your cross with you.
A little sad, perhaps. But I honestly don’t miss those years… pre-marriage, pre-Amarillo, pre-Amberly, pre-liver transplant. Isaiah 64:8 says “We are the clay, You are the Potter; we are all the work of your hand.” I do feel as though I, as a creation, have been through the fire, been melted down and re-created, refined. Whatever shape I held before can barely be seen now. And He’s not finished with me; I need a lot of work still. But now, after the tragedy, after the fire, I feel closer to my Creator. The next time I feel the heat of the refinery, I will trust Him more. And I would not trade that for all the blissful ignorance in the world.
Chandra
“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,”
I Peter 1:6-8