Chandra's Journal
April 18, 2006
I can see this becoming my favorite season as a parent. Creed and I went out for a walk on Sunday evening and the day was so perfect that I just walked in awe. Mostly of the contrast from day to day up here. Drew and I took the boys to a San Jacinto Christian baseball game (vs. Abilene Christian) to watch Jackie Don play on Saturday and we’re lucky we kept our feet on the ground the whole time. The wind was blowing so hard that it was hard to have a conversation with Judy sitting right next to me, not only because we had to talk over the volume of the wind, but because as soon as we’d turn our heads, sand and/or my hair would blow square in my face. Canon had a great time picking up a handful of red dirt, letting it go, and watching the wind swiftly take it away. We brought him home with arms, legs, and face dyed red from the dirt; that’s a West Texas kid for you. We could only stay for some of the first game in the double header, but we heard JD pitched the whole second game! San Jac won both of them.
Back to our walk on Sunday – it was amazing how calm it was outside just a day after the winds were raging. The weather was sunny and warm, around 90 degrees, I think. As we walked it felt like the sun was wrapping it’s arm around us. It wasn’t beating down oppressively, like it will in the summer. And I would say there was a light breeze, but that’s an overstatement. It was more like there were these cool spots in the air that we would just happen to walk into. Like when you’re swimming in a lake and you drift into a cold spot in the water. It was amazing, refreshing, a sweet Easter gift.
It was just me and Creed that night because Drew had to take Canon to Lubbock for another appointment with Dr. Higgins. It went well, overall. The weight thing is our only concern right now. His weight had been fairly stagnant since the transplant and now it seems that he has lost some since our appointment with Dr. H in March. He’s 23 lbs. 11 oz. now, which puts him around the 5th-10th percentile. Dr. Higgins is having us keep a nutrition journal for Canon for about a week. We have to record every single thing he puts in his mouth and how much. The good news is he is now off Magnesium. Gina McCausland left a note on the guestbook after my last journal entry mentioning that she noticed the same problems with Alex after his transplant (the diarrhea and slow weight gain) and attributed it to the Magnesium he was taking. She asked them to discontinue the Magnesium and saw improvement quickly. So, per her suggestion, I talked to Jaymee in Houston, who looked at his recent labs and talked to the doctors. They agreed to discontinue the Mag and monitor his body’s natural magnesium levels to be sure they remain in the normal range. That’s the first med we’ve been able to say adios to! Hopefully, next month they’ll discontinue Prednisone (steroid), which will take Prevacid and Nystatin with it. That will help to diminish all the time I spend at the sink, washing out syringes!
Thursday is Organ Donation Day at Texas Children’s Hospital. We received an invitation in the mail saying “as the family of a transplant recipient, you have a unique perspective into the importance of organ donation…” I wish we could go and let Canon walk around in his T-shirt – Oh! Have I mentioned the T-shirts we got from Jane Cole in Kansas?? Back when we were still living in Houston I mentioned in a journal entry that it was hard for people to just walk past him in the hospital or the store; I just wanted everyone to know that Canon had just had a life-saving transplant and how huge a hurdle God had just led us through. I said something about wanting a T-shirt that says “Ask me about my new liver!” Well… a couple months later we got two shirts in the mail! Jane is a family friend of Drew’s mom and had been praying for Canon with her family through the whole ordeal. She had the shirts made to say “Ask me about my new liver” on the front and CANON on the back. We love them! Canon wore it to the fundraiser dinner in Abilene, his last month’s visit to Dr. Higgins’s office, and the Lubbock Cotton Kings hockey game. He gets lots of attention in it! Anyway, we will be especially thinking about all families affected by organ donation and praying for their well-being on Thursday.
I thought a lot about Jordan and his family on Easter. Brian’s Easter message at church was very powerful. He started to talk about what it means that Jesus actually came back to life. When you grow up hearing that, unfortunately I/we don’t often consider the magnitude of what happened and the reaction of Jesus’ family and friends. He mentioned a few families in our congregation that have suffered deaths of loved ones recently, and likened it to what they would feel if they walked out into the parking lot and saw the one they have lost waiting for them at the car. My friend Tracy, in particular, lost her little brother in a car accident about a month ago, and is in the midst of such painful mourning. Tears immediately flooded my eyes as I thought about what it would be like if someone were out in the parking lot holding Amberly out to me and she was fine. I felt an unbearable, empty ache as I imagined my own elation at her resurrection and at the same time, knew that she wouldn’t be out there. With that feeling, I thought about Tracy’s pain and prayed for her family. And, of course, I thought about Jordan’s parents and brother walking out of their church service to find Jordan waiting for them in the parking lot. His mom told me recently in an email that it was like the movie “Groundhog Day” in that they wake up every morning and realize that he’s gone… again and again and again. How agonizing it is to face the empty spots every day. The pain of all the losses that we experience in this world must be equaled and perhaps exceeded only by the jubilation we will feel when we are reunited. All because Jesus was willing to pay our price. Knowing personally how deeply the pain of loss can change your very soul, I can’t imagine the pain of someone who does not believe that one day we will all be resurrected.
From Matthew 28 (The Message):
5The angel spoke to the women: "There is nothing to fear here. I know you're looking for Jesus, the One they nailed to the cross. 6He is not here. He was raised, just as he said. Come and look at the place where he was placed.
7"Now, get on your way quickly and tell his disciples, "He is risen from the dead. He is going on ahead of you to Galilee. You will see him there.' That's the message."
8The women, deep in wonder and full of joy, lost no time in leaving the tomb. They ran to tell the disciples.
9Then Jesus met them, stopping them in their tracks. "Good morning!" he said. They fell to their knees, embraced his feet, and worshiped him.
Never before had I really considered how truly amazing that felt for the women who loved him so much to see him again on the third day. I don’t know why Amberly’s death had to happen, or Jordan’s, or Jake’s, or any other horrible losses. But I do know why Jesus died – because he loved us so much that he couldn’t watch us suffer losses like this without the hope and promise of seeing them again.
“Every tear I’ve cried, you hold in your hand. You never left my side. And though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm.” (lyrics from Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns)
Peace to all,
Chandra
