Chandra's Journal
December 23, 2005
Christmas Eve eve… and we’re in Houston. But Houston is growing on me, really. I mean, how often do you get to drive on a highway that has six lanes?! I-40 through Amarillo has a measly three. Also, Mom babysat the boys so Drew and I could go out last Saturday night and we went and walked around the Galleria… wow! You know those fancy designers that have full page ads in Vogue and Cosmo? They have actual stores! Yeah, the shopping is definitely ‘top drawer’. And the weather! My goodness, it was 71 degrees today! And beautiful! I thought it was humid year-round down here, but it’s really been nice. If there’s a season I don’t mind missing a little bit of in Amarillo, it would be winter.
Yesterday Grandmother and Granddaddy came up from Beeville for lunch and an afternoon visit. They came bearing delicious oranges fresh from the valley. We had a great time catching up with them and, of course, Canon loved the enhanced audience. Then last night Theresa, Kyle, and Kedra Priest came over to visit also. Kedra is home for the holidays from her teaching job in Nicaragua and brought Canon some maracas and a T-shirt with a rooster on it that says “Gallo Pinto” (it’s the typical Nicaraguan dish). Theresa brought us a loaf of her famous homemade bread and other yummy baked goods. It is so nice that people will make special (and some very inconvenient) trips out here just to see Canon for themselves and give us all big hugs!
Speaking of company, Andy and Jennifer came over with Jen’s mom and of course beautiful baby Ardyn! It has been weeks since I have seen a face from home and it really did my heart good. Judy brought a special piece of chocolate cake (just for me, she said!) and some sinful-looking pastries and cinnamon rolls that I heard people calling dibs on for breakfast!
And this afternoon my family arrived to spend Christmas with us! All of us are here together and it’s so much like home when my family is with me, no matter where we are. This evening Mom, Daddy, Drew, Melanie, and I took Canon and Rylan to the Houston Downtown Aquarium where we rode a train that went through a tunnel inside a shark tank! Daddy was holding Canon and he said that his heart was beating so fast as he was watching the sharks swimming all around us! We saw pretty much every character from Finding Nemo – Nemo, Dory, Mr. Ray, Bruce, Gill, Peach, Sheldon. Canon had a blast!
I managed to send out a few Christmas cards this year! It’s a picture of Canon and Creed and I had them add the text “Celebrating God’s miracles!” That’s Christmas, in a nutshell. This year we join the rest of the world in celebrating the miraculous arrival of a small baby. We also celebrate His miracles in our lives personally – our perfect, healthy Creed and that Canon has received the gift of life from another child. It still brings me such a stillness, an amazement at God’s participation in every step – the doctors, the fundraising, the perfect donor, the surgery, and the recovery. I am reduced to tears to humbly admit that I doubted that God could do all this. Not consciously, I don’t think. But I just expected there to be many bumps, many ups and downs. God’s miracle in me? I no longer have the cynicism at what God can and will do for His children. I lost my daughter; but my son’s life was saved. He has taught me how to trust again, how to hope again, how to pray again. My own Christmas miracle.
Christmas has always been a happy time for me. And this year is no different; we are giddy with relief and pride for our boys. But then again, this year IS different. My life experience has left me with a sad knowledge that I cannot forget. No matter how many times I sing “Jingle Bells”, there will still be children in those hospital beds down the street; the Kangaroo Crew airplanes and LifeFlight helicopters will roaring through the sky, not delivering presents via chimneys, but trying to rescue one child at a time; there are still babies in the NICU at Northwest Texas Hospital in Amarillo, in the same critical condition that Amberly was; there are children in the hospital at Hendrick in Abilene, and Children’s in Austin. Everywhere in the world, even on Christmas day, there are families going through the pain of watching their child hurt. It’s not jolly. And one family in particular we are especially mindful of this year. Their son celebrated Thanksgiving at the same table with them; and for Christmas will not be there. Christmas will not be merry; in fact it might be downright unpleasant. It’s hard to be present in the merriment over Canon’s progress and feel the very real grief going on in another family at the same time. When my mom was here helping me last week we looked and looked online for a Christmas ornament that split in half, like the “best friends” charms that we could put Canon’s name on one side and Jordan’s name on the other. We never found anything even close. But Mom found a very simple red heart ornament and had Canon’s name engraved on one side and Jordan’s name on the other side. Today there have been several moments when that ornament catches my eye and I look at Jordan’s name and all of the sudden the noise of the football game on TV, people visiting, all of our loud toys being played with, everything just drowns out. Everything is reduced to a fuzzy background and I can only think of that sweet boy celebrating Christmas this year with our Amberly, other children whose families are thinking of them right now, and Jesus Himself. How much closer could one get to the actual Spirit of Christmas?
One Christmas carol speaks to me especially this year for whatever reason. I’ve seen so many babies in hospital cribs lately and I’ve also watched how peacefully Creed sleeps in our bed here and I hum to myself these words…
Away in a manger
No crib for a bed
The little lord Jesus
Lays down his sweet head
The stars in the sky
Look down where he lay
The little lord Jesus
Asleep on the hay
I love the Lord Jesus
I ask Thee to stay
Close by me forever
And love me I pray
Bless all the dear children
In thy tend’rst care
And take us to Heaven
To live with Thee there
Merry Christmas and God bless you.
Chandra
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