Chandra's Journal

September 1, 2005…

Psalm 72:12

For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in his sight.

In the days since Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast, I have thought frequently of my friends at Matria Healthcare. Many of you know that when I was pregnant with both Canon and Creed, I had to monitor my contractions with an electronic belt twice a day and send the information over the phone line to nurses who would record and monitor any increase in contractions and regulate my terbutaline pump as well. Those nurses were in New Orleans. Some of you might have seen a note on the guestbook from Angie Drouant in Lousiana. She was my main nurse and not only took excellent care of me and both boys, ensuring two healthy deliveries, she took a personal interest in me as a friend and our plight with Canon. Just last week we received a check from Angie and two other nurses at Matria for Canon’s fund. I tried to call her the night before the hurricane hit, but had to leave a message; I’m sure she had already left. She is one of hundreds of thousands of people displaced and scared for her home, family, and friends. I can’t imagine what these people are going through.

Last night at church we sang the song “Blessed Be Your Name”. Here are the lyrics:

Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name
Blessed be your name when I’m found on the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out I’ll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name when the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s “all as it should be”, blessed be your name
Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be your name

As I watch images daily of the devastation caused by the hurricane, the words of that song are hard to internalize. But I’m trying. And it’s a lot easier for me than it is for the thousands of people who lost their home.

Tonight when I went in to check on Canon, I was thinking about the children who today were airlifted (some by Angel Flight pilots) from the hospital in New Orleans to Texas Children’s Hospital in Houston, where we will be for the transplant. Babies were being given breaths manually to get through the transport and flight. Most were all alone because their families had to get out earlier.

I still battle so much fear, daily, for Canon and Creed’s future. But the fact is I have them both in our home and I am able to hold them and see them smile (Creed smiled at me for the first time yesterday!) and watch them grow for as long as God will allow. I pray constantly that God will protect that time and give us a full and happy life together. But when our time is up, for whatever reason, I hope I will be able to praise God for every second.

On a happier note, Drew and I have been so thrilled this week watching Canon try to stand up ON HIS OWN! He’s been pulling up on anything for a while now, but his newest trick is squatting in the middle of the floor and slowly rising up until, sometimes, he gets all the way up! We have been proudly clapping and cheering him on all week. He thinks it’s so funny when he does get all the way up that he starts giggling and falls down! To see him stand up without holding onto anything is so surreal to me, too! For seventeen months, he’s been my baby. And now, standing on his own he looks like a little boy. We have conversations together for crying out loud! When did that happen??!! I love hearing him talk in his own language and repeat and refine different words all the time. I wish you all could hear him say “Help me.” It’s the most precious indescribable sound. The only time he throws a fit is when he is trying to tell me something and I don’t understand what it is. He’ll say, “Please! Please! Please!” and sometimes, as hard as I play detective, I can’t figure out what he wants. At those times he does kinda cave in out of frustration. Thankfully, his “tantrums” typically are short-lived and easily forgotten. And in just minutes he’s leaning forward to give me or Drew a kiss, a hug, and a “pat, pat, pat.”

All three of us are enjoying getting to know Creed, appreciating him both as an individual, and for what our family has become upon his arrival. I have learned much about him already. He’s pretty tough, for one thing! Having a big brother that’s just now learning the concept of being gentle with something makes it hard to treat Creed like the porcelain doll I thought Canon was when he was an infant! Also, Creed likes to be on his tummy; Canon didn’t. Among many similarities, however, is the fact that they are both music lovers. They both find it relaxing whether they are tired and ready to go to sleep, or just want to unwind and play quietly. Another thing they have in common is their preference for cuddling. Canon loves to crawl up in my lap to sing songs, read a book, watch a video, just about anything. And before naptime and bedtime, we always have a few minutes of cuddle time in the chair in his room for quiet prayers and soft visits. Lately he’s been trying to make me laugh at night by looking up at me with his head laid on my chest and saying something funny like, “Mama. Who? Daddy. No, no, Daddy. Who?” or tickling my neck and making fake laughing noises. I try not to laugh, but I can’t help it! I don’t make any noise, but by laughing silently, my chest and stomach bounce up and down, you know. Well, Canon thinks that’s funny and then he starts laughing and I bounce even more, still trying not to make any noise, and before long we’re both so tickled that we’ve dissolved into a fit of giggles! Creed, like his brother, has a definite predisposition to being held. He’s not fussy about it, but he sleeps more soundly and also is more expressive when he’s awake if he knows he’s in our arms. It’s a great thing in the daytime; perhaps not quite as great in the middle of the night! But Canon did the same thing at this age and I’m convinced Creed will become a more secure sleeper soon!

There’s so much more I want to say, but I know this is already so long and it’s a quarter to midnight already! I do want to mention that the boys and I are going on a whirlwind Texas adventure next week! I’m calling it Canon’s “Thank You Tour” and Creed’s “Meet the Family Tour”. We’ll be in Lubbock next Wednesday for Canon’s monthly check-up with Dr. Higgins, his GI. From there we’ll go to Abilene for a night, to Austin for the weekend, hopefully to San Antonio for a visit, then back through Abilene and Lubbock on the way home. I know you might be thinking I’m crazy, and you’re partially right – stir crazy! I know it will be hard, but I haven’t been out of town in a long time and I need to take advantage of my time off work to visit; otherwise it will be the holidays before we get out of Amarillo.

So… keep us in your prayers. I’ll update everyone on the check-up in Lubbock as soon as possible.

On a fundraising note – we have a gospel singing concert coming up on September 30th at Southwest CofC that’s going to be really cool! If you’re in the area, please come and support this effort and Canon’s campaign!

Keep praying for New Orleans and all the other places affected by the storm.

“… but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
Romans 5:3-5
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